Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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