You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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