I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
