i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Boobs speak an international language.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
