I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
