I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We left the knife in your bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
