drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
