worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
