Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
