he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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