A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
