I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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