I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
