I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When are your genitals available?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
