In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
