look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
