My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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