You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
