hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
