I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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