My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
