I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Semen is not good for contacts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
