So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
