she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize