He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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