I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
