bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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