We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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