I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
