it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
