Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
