My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
