3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
