so explain again why im purple
no
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
