and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
