Cold hands, warm shart.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jerry, you need to find god
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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