Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
