I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
