All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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