When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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