someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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