: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
