thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
