boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
