apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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