took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
