Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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