I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
