dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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