my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
