On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
