I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
