he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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