It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
