soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
