Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
