just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
