I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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