the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The Olympian is in my bed
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