I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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