Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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