you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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