it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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