Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
