Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
