Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize