they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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