I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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