I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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