Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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