O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
