I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize