don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
