pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
