i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
third nipple confirmed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
