Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
