He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
