and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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