turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
