she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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