I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
